What’s in a Pronoun? Why They Matter for the LGBTI+ Community – and Everyone Else

We all use pronouns—those everyday words like he, she, they, or you. They're so common that we barely notice them in conversation. But for many in the LGBTI+ community—especially transgender, non-binary, and gender-diverse individuals—pronouns are much more than grammar. They’re a powerful expression of identity and respect.

Pronouns 101

A pronoun refers to someone or something in place of a name. He/him, she/her, and they/them are examples of gender pronouns—terms we use to refer to someone’s gender. Often, we assume someone’s pronouns based on how they look or dress. But here’s the catch: gender identity is internal. We can’t always assume      it just by looking at someone.

Some people identify as male or female and use he or she pronouns. Others may identify as non-binary, genderqueer, genderfluid, or agender—meaning their identity doesn’t fit neatly into “male” or “female.” In these cases, they may use gender-neutral pronouns like they/them or others such as ze/zir.

Using the correct pronouns for someone is a basic sign of respect. It tells them: “I see you. I hear you. I care.”

Why It Matters

Misgendering—using the wrong pronouns for someone—can feel invalidating and hurtful. It can lead to embarrassment, frustration, and even mental health challenges for the person being misgendered. On the flip side, research shows that when people are addressed correctly and affirmed in their identity, they experience lower levels of anxiety, depression, and distress.

As internationally recognized transgender motivational speaker, workshop presenter, trainer, workplace diversity and inclusion consultant. Stephanie Battaglino puts it:

“Pronouns are important because that’s the essence of who I am or who a trans person is. It’s how we identify ourselves... It might feel a little weird if you don’t have a trans person in your life. But here’s what you do: you stop, you take a deep breath, and you ask. That’s all you have to do. It’s not hard—just ask.”

Breaking Gender Norms

From the moment we’re born—pink for girls, blue for boys—gender norms are everywhere. From Shakespeare to, Bugs Bunny to Monty Python, Robin Williams' as Mrs Doubtfire, Medea from Tyler Perry, and countless others, society often treats gender non-conformity as comedy and performance rather than integral aspects of identity.      Gender is also viewed as binary, with strict views of how people should look, behave, and strive for. For genderfluid persons who don’t fit comfortably in either mould, they can face increased pressure to conform. As activist Riki Wilchins notes, the moment someone doesn’t look “male” or “female enough,” they become a target of curiosity, ridicule, or worse.

This relentless focus on “figuring out” someone’s gender often places trans and non-binary people under a microscope. Imagine having to correct others on a daily basis and advocate for yourself in various aspects of life to be referred to by your preferred name? This can be exhausting, not to mention unfair.      Instead of guessing or assuming, we can choose to ask—or better yet, create space where pronouns are shared freely.

How to Use Pronouns Respectfully

So how do you handle pronouns in real life or at work? Here are a few guidelines:

●       Ask, don’t assume. If you’re unsure of someone’s pronouns, it’s okay to politely ask: “What pronouns do you use?”

●       Share your own. This helps normalize the conversation. Example: “Hi, I’m Jamie, and I use they/them pronouns.”

●       Respect what you’re told. Even if it’s unfamiliar or takes getting used to, using the pronouns someone shares with you is essential.

●       Apologize and correct gently. If you slip up, don’t panic. Say something like “Sorry, I meant they” and move on without making it a big deal.

●       Support others. If someone else is being misgendered, consider gently correcting the mistake—especially if the person isn’t there to speak up.

Making Space at Work

In professional settings, using correct pronouns supports inclusion and fosters trust. It also strengthens camaraderie and limits           miscommunication. Many companies and institutions are catching on, creating ways for people to share their pronouns during:

●       Job interviews (on forms or during introductions)

●       Onboarding  (which is the process of welcoming and guiding new employees so they understand their job and the company culture) (along with preferred names)

●       Email signatures (e.g., “Pronouns: she/her”)

●       Meetings and events (“Hi, I’m Alex, I work in Marketing, and I use he/him pronouns.”)

You don’t have to mandate it—just offer it as an option. A simple prompt like “If you’d like, please share your name and pronouns” is enough to build a more inclusive culture.

Pronouns Beyond the Binary

Gender is so much more than the binary of ‘male’ or ‘female’; it can be fluid and subject to change across the lifespan.  Our sexual characteristics are only one part of who we are, not the whole. A woman is not defined solely by the ability to bear children, just as a man is not defined simply by physical strength. What makes us who we are goes far beyond anatomy. Even at the biological level, people are unique: hormone levels such as estrogen and testosterone vary greatly from person to person, shaping bodies and traits in diverse ways. Gender, then, cannot be reduced to a checklist of physical features — it is part of a much broader human experience.

Some people change pronouns depending on the setting, their mood, the stage they are in their own journey or how they identify that day. For example, a genderfluid person might use he on some days and they on others. Others might use neopronouns like xe/xem or ey/em.While unfamiliar to some, these pronouns are no less valid. The best approach? Stay open, curious, and respectful. If someone introduces themselves with pronouns you’ve never heard before, it’s okay to ask how to use them in a sentence.

It’s About More Than Words

Pronouns are just one part of the bigger conversation about inclusion, identity, and human dignity. By learning to use them thoughtfully, we create spaces where everyone can be themselves without fear or discomfort.

We don’t need to fully understand someone’s experience to treat them with kindness. All it takes is the willingness to listen, to learn, and to use words that affirm rather than erase.

So, what’s in a pronoun? For many, everything.

More resources:

●       Human Rights Campaign Workplace Inclusion Tools: https://www.hrc.org/campaigns/we-show-up-for-workplace-inclusion

●       GLAAD Pronoun Guide: https://glaad.org/transgender/allies